


Heather (Song Fic)

by brokenblades13



Series: Crankiplier Song Fics [1]
Category: youtube - Fandom
Genre: Angst, Character Death, F/M, Jealousy, M/M, Sad Ending, Song: Heather (Conan Gray), Suicide, Unrequited Love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-10
Updated: 2020-08-10
Packaged: 2021-03-06 05:28:45
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,187
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25818073
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/brokenblades13/pseuds/brokenblades13
Summary: This is Part 1 of 15 of Crankiplier Song Fanfictions. I have been playing around with the idea of using songs for inspiration for small fics. I placed my playlist on random and just went with the first 15 songs.This one is based on Heather by Conan GrayEthan has had a crush on Mark for a while but doesn't know what to do or say about it. He was fine with the understanding there was nothing between them, that was until Amy Nelson came into their lives.
Relationships: Mark Fischbach/Amy Nelson, Mark Fischbach/Ethan Nestor
Series: Crankiplier Song Fics [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1873279
Comments: 4
Kudos: 50





	Heather (Song Fic)

**Author's Note:**

> Trigger warning!!!  
> This has suicide!!  
> This is not a happy fic. This is a sad and emotional fic. If you aren't in a good mindset, please, please, please don't read. 
> 
> Based on the song Heather by Conan Gray

Ethan’s POV  
I remember being cold and feeling as if my skin was stinging from the frigid December air. I regretted not bringing a jacket, as I hadn’t been cold when I left the house that night. We were celebrating something, Mark, Bob, Wade, Tyler, and everyone’s significant others besides Marks and I, as we had none. I couldn’t remember the exact details of the celebration, but it was something big and I blamed it on my ADHD for the lack of retention. 

I was standing next to Mark as we said goodbye to everyone, each beginning to get into their respectful cars and drive off. I began to rub my arms, feeling the sting of the air after each warming movement. Mark noticed, and quickly took off his pullover sweater, and handed it to me. 

I protested, “Mark, it’s too cold. You don’t need to do that.”

He just shook his head, his hair falling in front of his chocolate eyes and it burned my soul to look at this beautiful man in front of me. I honestly hoped that Mark would never know how much I liked him since I was worried about how much it would ruin our friendship. I began to pull it on, and he just smiled.

“It looks better on you anyway, Eth.” And I caught my breath, hoping that my rosy cheeks weren’t obvious, and could be chalked up to the cold. Mark continued, oblivious. “You know, it was nice having everyone out here and smiling and laughing again.” 

I nodded in agreement, a huge grin splitting my face. “I am really glad we could get everyone here to enjoy some time before the holidays. Hey, would you mind if I took home the sweater, and bring it back to you? I promise I won’t steal it.”

Mark’s laugh was soft, and he nodded his head, pulling out his phone to check the time. “You should be heading home, Eth. You don’t want to be out by yourself too long.”

I smiled at him as I gave him a quick side hug, skipping down the sidewalk back home without much thought about the night’s events. 

I remember the day she came into our lives. It was the holidays, and Mark smiled happily, told us all he had a surprise and brought in his new girlfriend, Amy. I smiled and waved at her, but the gut punch I felt was worse than anything I had ever felt in my life. 

I watched as Mark put his arms around her shoulders as if protecting her from the world around us, a movie playing in the background. Everyone was here for a movie night, and I felt out of place amongst all the happy couples. Everyone was sharing a blanket, or popcorn, making lovey-dovey eyes between takes of the movie, or cuddled up, and I… I was alone.

I couldn’t focus on the movie, but on how Mark fawned over Amy, gently holding her, moving her hair from her eyes, and just genuinely being sweet to her. I felt wrong for being jealous, but I couldn’t help it. It hurt to even fathom Mark with someone other than him. 

The holidays ebbed away, and the days turned into weeks, into months. I began to struggle to go over to Mark’s house for collabs, feeling sick when I saw him kiss her. Or stare at her as she walked passed him. Or the sheer look of love on his face when he was around her. I would make excuses to not show up for recordings or make up a lie about needing to stream or something, and I began to stay in my house for days on end. 

Everyone was beginning to notice on my channel that something wasn’t right, but I never addressed. I couldn’t find the words to describe how I felt and definitely wouldn’t do it to the public. 

I also felt bad because Amy was an angel, so soft and so sweet with what she has to say, but also has that smart-alec mouth that must have attracted Mark to her. I felt horrible when I wished that she was dead, or non-existent in our lives. I wished that Mark had never met her.

Why would Mark ever kiss me? Ever love me? 

I pulled back further into myself when I noticed the last time I went over there, that the same sweater I had borrowed that night, was given to Amy. I bet she was cold, and it was something of Marks, but I felt betrayed. 

I sank into myself more, no longer uploading, no longer answering Mark’s phone calls. No longer existing. I would curl up on my bed, only getting up to take care of Spencer, and then returning to bed, not caring to eat or to drink, hoping that my body would just give out.

I closed my eyes, tears streaming down my face. Why am I like this? It isn’t like Mark cheated on me or made any attempt to actually be with me. So why was I acting like this?

I sighed as I started to think of where I wanted to go with the rest of my life and decided I didn’t care anymore. I didn’t, and everything was crushing. I felt sick day in and day out, I couldn’t exist knowing that I could never be loved. I finally grabbed my phone after weeks of not touching it, hoping it was charged enough to talk to the one person I needed to at the moment. 

I saw there were 99+ missed calls, and 99+ missed text messages. I ignored them all, moving to Mark’s contact as I grabbed my sleeping meds. I took a handful out, forced them all down my throat as I gagged on them, and pressed the call button on my phone.

Mark picked up after the second ring tone. “Eth, man, I have been worried about you! What’s wrong?”

I breathed softly into the phone, feeling the tears welling as I tried to focus on the words I wanted to say. “Mark, I hope you know I don’t blame you for any of this.” 

I was already feeling sleepy, which was a good sign. Maybe it would work. Mark had confusion in his voice when he spoke next.

“Ethan, what are you doing?”

“Mark, I’m sorry. By the time you do anything, I will no longer be here…”

Mark’s voice got panicky as he began to try and fumble for words. “Ethan, what-no-what do you mean- are you talking-nothing like that, please, Ethan.”

I smiled through the grogginess, laying back on my bed as I sighed. “Take care of Spencer for me, please.”

“Ethan, I’m calling 911. I will be there in 10 minutes.” I could hear him fumbling with stuff as if searching for keys or a wallet, and I sighed again, knowing he was already too late. I accepted my fate, knowing there was just one last thing to admit.

I closed my eyes, and my voice trailed into softness. “Mark…. I wish I was Amy….”

**Author's Note:**

> Hoped you all enjoyed it! Thank you for reading this god awful work.


End file.
